Communication Nuggets

Three Skills to Improve Conversation

Research shows that 80% of success in family, marriage, business and the workplace is attributed to emphathic communication. If you are passionate enough to dream and you are willing to pursue it to success; then you should have the desire to develop your conversational skills.



The Benefits of Pausing

One key to becoming a great conversationalist is to pause before replying. A short pause, of three to five seconds, is a very classy thing to do in a conversation. When you pause, you accomplish three goals simultaneously.



First, you avoid running the risk of interrupting if the other person is just catching his or her breath before continuing. Second, you show the other person that you are giving careful consideration to his or her words by not jumping in with your own comments at the earliest opportunity. The third benefit of pausing is that you will actually hear the other person better. His or her words will soak into a deeper level of your mind and you will understand what he or she is saying with greater clarity. By pausing, you mark yourself as a brilliant conversationalist.



Ask Questions

Another way to become a great conversationalist is to question for clarification. Never assume that you understand what the person is saying or trying to say. Instead, ask, "How do you mean, exactly?" This is the most powerful question I've ever learned for controlling a conversation. It is almost impossible not to answer. When you ask, "How do you mean?" the other person cannot stop himself or herself from answering more extensively. You can then follow up with other open-ended questions and keep the conversation rolling along.


Paraphrase the Speaker's Words

The third way to become a great conversationalist is to paraphrase the speaker's words in your own words. After you've nodded and smiled, you can then say, "Let me see if I've got this right. What you're saying is . . ."  By paraphrasing the speaker's words, you demonstrate in no uncertain terms that you are genuinely paying attention and making every effort to understand his or her thoughts or feelings. And the wonderful thing is, when you practice effective listening, other people will begin to find you fascinating. They will want to be around you. They will feel relaxed and happy in your presence.



Action Exercises

Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.



First, make a habit of pausing before replying in any conversation or discussion. You will be amazed at how powerful this technique really is.



Second, continually ask, "How do you mean?" in response to anything that is not perfectly clear. This gives you even more time to listen well.